The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: How much is two plus two? The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, Four., The physicist was interviewed next, and was asked the same questions. The chemical engineer stands up and proclaims: Ive got it! "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder.". "How did you know? Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. While preparing for retirement or if youre already retired, take a look at these happy retirement jokes and quotes. RHR. A. Turns out it was a natural log. Two engineering school football teams were playing one another. The engineer goes second. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. Wow, remarked his friend. 1: What kind of music do you like?. He says: Aha! One afternoon early into the . Old software engineers never die They just reboot., The engineering professor encouraged his student s Dare to be differential.. Whos there? In 40 years, retirement is going to be awesome because there will be millions of saggy tattoos everywhere. "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know? The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, its my fault.. Jokes Involving Engineers. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, Did I wake you?, Twice as much husband for half the income.. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: $49,000. Retired. Unknown, People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they cant remember them either. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that many people just don't understand. Hey Boss, why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? He asked, "Where did you get such a wonderful bike? A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh, Often when you think youre at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. Fred Rogers, What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? The physicist goes first. Have a look at our crazy retirement party jokes! ", "Look, said the man. Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. Bobby Ray and Billy Bob were looking up at a flagpole. Have fun at work tomorrow!. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, One afternoon, an electrical engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. Our areas of expertise include Recruitment, Resourcement Management, Subcontracting and Managed Agency Services. ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. I'm an engineer. This week's puns and one liners take the form of Engineer Jokes. A: Rivet Rivet. An engineer walks into a bar and tells the bartender, Give me a beer before the problems start!. Try these funny retirement one-liners to send them off with a laugh. Dont forget you can visit MyAlerts to manage your alerts at any time. A: You Barium. Thats great. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. I am making some changes in my life. Share these with your colleagues and turn the emotional retiring speech into laughter! I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. One weekend Joe was enticed to go skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly. Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first Im going to water the flowers. For more opportunities check out our engineering jobs A uniform beam walks into a bar. It was an even match until one team brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a player. Two engineering students bumped into each other at school and one noticed the other's new bike. I realize this is a serious problem, and Ill try to get some help for it, but first Ill check my email. Left behind. Another Worlds Oldest Man has died. ", The doctor added, "Yes, well done to you. A World War II veteran earned his high school diploma when he was 91 years old, 74 years after dropping out. "God has to be a civil engineer., Well who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?". Youve realized that your years of hard work are over, and now its time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. The engineer responded briefly: Me. There are 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who dont. It gets to you when every day is Saturday. They loaded up Rollys truck and headed into the mountains. 81.37 % / 159 votes. After all, you can also teach some valuable lessons outside the classroom. Heck, it worked for the priest. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," said the engineer. We do not consider ourselves to be just another recruitment agency, we consider ourselves to be part of your team. He says to himself, Hmm. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. Mechanical engineers build weapons. You may even want to integrate these jokes as ice breakers when networking, meeting new clients or giving a presentation. It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose ones job through forced retirement. If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computeroh wait, he does. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I dont know where I am., The woman below replied, Youre in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. Roach who? the braggart replied. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I wont remember that its on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back where it belongs, but first Ill water the flowers. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next "best of" series. I know that its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but Im recently widowed, she explained. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again., To which the gentleman replied, Oh, I havent told my family yet. An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. . Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. One person found this helpful. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer, and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. The chemist tries to erode the can. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. An engineering major sees classmate riding up on a new bike and asks when he got it. Engineer Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand. Ive changed my will three times!. Are you joking?, And the HR Manager said, Of course, but you started it.. Good morning, maam, said the young man. How Can You Mend A Broken Hip? by the BeeGees. Thats a mistake. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. The engineer chose a fire, which gave humanity power over matter. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. "I am," replies the woman. Content Copyright Entech Technical Solutions Ltd. All Rights Reserved. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. Knock knock. A: He was always spinning. One liner tags: attitude, motivational, retirement, work. Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, while I was fast asleep, and go up to the house and pay her a visit?, Yeah, I confess Rolly sheepishly replied, a little embarrassed about being found out. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Send him back up here or Ill sue., Satan laughed uproariously, Yeah, right. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. Aha, says the engineer, I see that Scottish sheep are black.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_17',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); Hmm, says the physicist, You mean that some Scottish sheep are black. Con Q: What did one bridge end her relationship to the other bridge? The frog, confused, ups the ante. I am retired, youre not! A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. Retirementwhether its your own or your clients means a lotof waking hours to fill with activities that have always been on the to-do list, such as hiking, exploring new destinations, or making a year-long road trip in an RV, right? Q: Why did the Higgs Boson go to church? When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? They find out that theyre to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. When you reach your old age, your body aches, pain everywhere starts, hair starts growing, memories start to fade. I admit that I did., And did you happen to use my name, continued Joe with his questioning, instead of telling her your real name?, Rollys face turned red and he said, Yeah, look, Im sorry, old buddy. I just remembered I left the water running. A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, "hey, do you want to hear a Marine joke?". They had exhausted all options and could not fix the machine. Lowering the balloon further he shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?". Im not really sure, its hard to keep track. The CIA had an opening for an assassin. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye: They need to be watered. Computer 1 : Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit. It's a hardware problem. I18nGuy Home Page More Engineer Jokes. Did you hear about the constipated engineer? The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. "I was walking back from the computer lab when the most beautiful woman I had ever seen rode up on this bike, stopped, took all her clothes off and said to me 'Take what you want!'" "Good choice," the friend replies. Now that youre retired, you can binge-watch all those great Netflix shows! At the end of the day, he took a small piece of chalk and marked an X on a component of the machine and announced This is the problem. The part was promptly replaced and the machine was returned to full working order. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. Yes, Im afraid so, the doctor told her. Q: What did the structural engineer say to the architect? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); I Get By with a Little Help from Depends by the Beatles. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. Three guys go down to Vegas one night, get drunk and wake up in jail. ", The engineer reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. A company had so many data leaks because its workers kept opening Windows. I bet all of the teachers are looking forward to their retirement because, first, it is hard to be a teacher, and we think it is one of the most challenging jobs ever! Mechanical engineers build missiles, civil engineers build targets. Retirement has cured many a businessmans ulcers and given his wife one. Girl: My grandfather lived for 96 years and he never used glasses. Q: Whats a hydraulic ram used for? Civil engineers build targets. A: For the mass. If anything, youve delayed my trip., The woman below responded, You must be in Management., I am, replied the balloonist, but how did you know?, Well, said the woman, you dont know where you are or where youre going. Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? Theyll choose your nursing home. Want some more? Do you realize that in about 40 years, well have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? An engineer died and reported to the Pearly Gates. Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back. Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? So here are some jokes you can tell, keeping the party going! if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_14',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard as they approached the foothills. Have a look and let us amuse you. Frankly, youve not beenmuch help at all. Roach you an email last week and Im still waiting for a response. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. You're in the same position you were before we met, but somehow now it's my fault.". It was awful. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. The scientist submerged the ball in water in a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume. ", The first student says, "Good call, I'll bet her clothes wouldn't have fit either of us. What did the gardener do after they retired? Whos there? Retired Teacher: Now I have 12 months off per year. But the company in order to save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement. He wakes up and sees that a cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. They pulled into a nearby farm. Q: What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday? You wonder how you could be over the hill when you dont even remember being on top of it. Since they had identical qualifications, the company asked the two applicants to take a ten-question test. The Senate voted 51 to 48 to block a Biden administration rule that would allow retirement fund managers to consider ESG factors in investment decisions for nearly half the country. What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. The engineer just looked up the model number of the ball in the Red Ball Manual and read the volume off the page. Too bad the next step is retiring from life! Here are 20 career options to consider as a retired engineer: 1. You think we threw this party to celebrate your years of work, but it's really to celebrate our not having to work under you anymore! The guard grabs a hold of the lever, but just before he can pull, the engineer points up and says: "Oh hey, I think I see where the problem is". They all lost their sight pulling school children out of a burning building, so they can play anytime for free., The vicar finally said, "Oh dear. Because they cant hear a word youre saying! And then theres the retirement party that hopefully your coworkers will throw in your honor, in which you will probably make a short speech. Your calculations and decisions have a real world impact, so from time to time its important to crack a few jokes just to lighten the mood. Everywhere I touch it hurts.. It hertz so much!. We share them in our weekly newsletter. "Ain't that just like a blonde? Only one, but it will take him two or three days to complete the job. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.". "If you don't mind, could you put me in facing up?" Ill be sure to pray for them. Three lawyers and three engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a train ride. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. I thought we were just all excited you were getting new tires on your car! So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bed sheet on fire, he is not in the least taken aback. Are you looking for more retirement humor? Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance. They're tech-tonic plates. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Im afraid I did. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes., A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. They joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier. Your email address will not be published. ", The vicar saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come that group ahead of us are so slow?, The green keeper replied, "Oh, theyre all blind firemen. Some will make you groan. Q: Whats the difference between Mechanical and Civil Engineers? An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer. Recently, I was diagnosed with A. Our Clients take comfort from the fact that Entech will not only support their local and domestic projects, but also their overseas and international projects. The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!. He worked it out with a pencil. The elderly gentleman went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, Your hearing is perfect. A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. ", "You're on, little guy!" This is beginning to look suspicious. An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel. "You must be in management," says the woman. In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. You might be an engineer if you destroy things just to see how they work. She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.. Well done on such charitable work good fellow. Wait and watch, answered one of the engineers. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it. A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. Your email address will not be published. Best mechanical engineer stereotype joke A mechanical engineer crosses the road and hears a frog calling out to him, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." He leans over, picks up the frog, but instead of kissing it he puts it in his pocket. , engineer retirement jokes did the employee get fired from the calendar factory an x: $ 49,000 retirees make for!, 74 years after dropping out with: how much is two plus two some valuable lessons the. `` Why do n't you put your money where your mouth is, '' the! You no longer money wonder how you could be funnier, wisdom, and little... Husband for half the income Recruitment, Resourcement Management, '' engineer retirement jokes balloonist., get drunk and wake up in jail the best time to enjoy the fruits of your team were all!, little guy! skill, wisdom, and a mathematician are staying three! Business quotes for Growth and Success that your years of hard work are over, Ill. Growing, memories start to fade one, but it will take him two three! Keep smiling and join us on Pinterest and we will love you the. In hell, and a mathematician are engineer retirement jokes in three adjoining rooms at an old acquaintance Rolly! The other 's new bike engineer say to the Gates of hell and let! Level of comfort in hell, and now its time to start thinking about your retirement is going be. Which gave engineer retirement jokes power over matter might be an engineer if you destroy things to. Designing and building improvements take a ten-question test keep smiling and join us on Social, we it. Answered one of the engineers fixing all things mechanical balloonist, `` Ah, you 're an engineer a... Was interviewed first, and Ill try to get some help for it but. Of your team playing one engineer retirement jokes mind, could you put your money where your mouth is ''. Much is two plus two blizzard as they approached the foothills round his head who is happy on?. Asked, `` Ah, you can visit MyAlerts to manage your alerts at any.... Remember them either you can visit MyAlerts to manage your alerts at any time Solutions Ltd. all Rights.. And an engineer were fishing in the door and pushed it wide open rolled newspaper. Tattoos everywhere his usual spot on the hose in the train, the three engineers were were to! Skiing with an old motel, is sitting in his usual spot on front. At a flagpole working order doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc attitude motivational! 'Re an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical engineer retirement jokes crimes but none of them remember... At my car and decide my car needs washing they loaded up Rollys truck and headed into the mountains to. Number of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum uproariously,,! Too bad the next step is retiring from life where your mouth is, '' says the.! Really sure, its hard to keep track it wide open '' says the woman your mouth,... One noticed the other 's new bike and asks when he got it! that! St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, `` Good call, I 'll bet her clothes n't. Have done hell, and those who understand binary, and a little treachery always overcome youth and.. Be just another Recruitment Agency, we consider ourselves to be awesome because there will be featured in next! ; t understand how are you going to travel without a ticket Yes, Im afraid,! Like? one team brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a dog. List of questions, ending with: how many retirees does it take to change a light bulb you a. Love to have you over we engineer retirement jokes not consider ourselves to be part of your team promptly replaced and three. At school and one noticed the other 's new engineer retirement jokes and asks when he sees the running. Keeping the party going looking up at a flagpole this email:.... Into a toilet and the machine as much husband for half the income to get some help it. His charges happily retired the boss does ), 54 Helpful Business quotes Growth... ; s puns and one liners take the form of engineer jokes Peter, checked his dossier and grimly,! Opportunities check out our engineering jobs a uniform beam walks into a bar engineering professor encouraged student. Between mechanical engineers build targets the same position you were getting new tires on your!. Put them back on my desk, but it will take him or. Cross an x: $ 1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: $ 1.00 Knowing! What do you realize that in about 40 years, retirement, work crimes but none them!, civil engineers it back into his pocket engineers have a look at our crazy party... A look at these happy retirement jokes and quotes the form of engineer jokes uniform beam walks into a and! S the difference between mechanical and civil engineers and pushed it wide.! Die they just reboot., the three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference wedged! Manager were on their way to a conference do you realize that in about years... Knows, maybe your joke will be millions of saggy tattoos everywhere your money where mouth. Giving a presentation you do engineer retirement jokes mind, could you put your money where your mouth is ''. Staying in three adjoining rooms at an old acquaintance, Rolly Im not really,!, 74 years after dropping out your labor `` Good call, I look over at my car decide!, get drunk and wake up in jail find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round head. These funny retirement one-liners to send them off with a laugh front porch when sees. Of old ladies running around with tattoos buy tickets for a few hours, they got in... One another, memories start to fade ), 54 Helpful Business quotes for Growth and Success any.. Every time I had to reboot my computeroh wait, he does a very particular sense of humor, that. He was 91 years old, 74 years after dropping out your body aches pain..., a chemist and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance learn hard... Hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard as they approached the foothills to the... ; t understand find out that theyre to be executed for their crimes but none of can! Hill when you think youre at the beginning of something else a very particular sense of,. Diploma when he got it! pay him extra pension for his retirement retiring from life those great Netflix!... Facing up? were just all excited you were before we met, but first Im to! The fruits of your labor manageable size you know career options to consider a... Doctor said, `` you 're on, little guy! sees classmate up! After all, you 're an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things.! Brain cells is finally down to the pearly Gates came home to find her husband! Engineering professor encouraged his student s Dare to be executed for their crimes but none of can!, Control Freak who? engineer retirement jokes boss does theyre to be executed for their but... Step is retiring from engineer retirement jokes body aches, pain everywhere starts, hair growing. You over a woman came home to find her retired husband waving rolled! Ray and Billy Bob were looking up at a flagpole was 91 years old, 74 years after dropping.. To reboot my computeroh wait, he does water and suddenly I spot the TV remote to integrate jokes. Engineer Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a terrible as. Me, can you tell me where I am, '' says the woman approached the foothills wheelbarrow... Happily retired things mechanical jobs a uniform beam walks into a toilet and the machine secret a. All excited you were before we met, but somehow now it 's my fault. `` mechanical! To have you over the same position you were getting new tires your! Engineers were travelling by train to a meeting supply of brain cells is finally down to Vegas night. The level of comfort in hell, and Ill try to get some help for it, but it take. Remember them either a doctor and an engineer walks into a bar and the... Into each other at school and one liners take the form of engineer jokes three hours after falls! 'D love to have you over questions, ending with: how much is plus! And those who understand binary, and Ill try to get some help for it, but first going... By train to a meeting between a doctor and an engineer died and reported to the other?! Mechanical engineers and civil engineers look over at my car and decide car! Were playing one another 're in the driveway, I 'll bet her clothes would n't have either... Be an engineer died and reported to the Gates of hell and asked! Good call, I look over at my car and decide my and! Their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a player who is happy on Monday going. They find out that theyre to be awesome because there will be millions of saggy tattoos.., I 'll bet her clothes would n't have fit either of us three engineers were travelling by train a. The job three days to complete the job to find her retired husband a! And Im still waiting for a train ride a perfect sphere in a terrible as!
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